On Being Single

I do not like the phrases “transitional time” and “between relationships” because they imply that being in a romantic relationship is the epitome of life while not being in a relationship is a passing phase—a phase where life has less value and one is not as whole.

Don’t get me wrong: Despite two failed marriages, I am still a sucker for romance.

I like the warm sensation of being with another person, the giddiness of feeling in love, and the stability of knowing that person is there for you.

But is it the epitome of life?

I have a daughter who has two university degrees, both with distinction. Now she is in a relationship with a fellow. Does that mean more than her six years of accomplishment? She was a great person before him, and she does not need him to be a better person. Sure, she seems happy, but she was also happy before the relationship, and she will continue to be happy if the relationship ends.

In an ideal world, happiness is always intrinsic.

Yes, there are times when we call up other people for emotional support; that is healthy. However, I do not need to rely on someone else to make me happy. I like standing on my own, regulating my own emotions, and creating my own happiness.

It took a while for me to feel comfortable being single, and it took a while to feel comfortable doing things on my own, such as going skiing in the mountains, going to movies, and going out dancing.

Now, I am completely fine with it.

I feel free, I feel powerful, and I feel like myself instead of an extension of someone else.

I am not against relationships. In my idealistic world view, a good relationship strengthens both people. It is about loving one another, so both people can fulfil their potential. It’s about being happy for the other person, appreciating them, and supporting them in their dreams and endeavours while receiving the same space and respect.

Controlling another person and/or minimizing another person is not love.

It is selfish and childish.

Unfortunately, some relationships are like that.

How can that be the epitome of life?

I do not see myself in a transitional time or as being between relationships. I am single, and I may or may not stay this way for the rest of my life. Either way, when I reach the end of my life, I hope people will define me by my actions and not because I was an extension of someone else.

Since my last blog, I have been on a few dates, and they have been fun. I like going out and connecting with people, but I also like having time to myself and doing things on my own, as well as devoting time to my children. As a single person, I do not feel incomplete nor do I feel the need to rush into a relationship. I am happy with who I am and where I am in life.

 

 

One comment

  1. Anonymous

    Wow I get the feeling you really don’t like your daughters boyfriend. Maybe unlike you she sees the value of a relationship and that through good and bad you just dontl give up and maybe he doesn’t have the degrees she has or even the smarts she has but he is a great guy and treats her good and that’s good enough for her and maybe he supports her just like your husband supported you through your degrees to. So step back and have really big look at what you really don’t like about him. Maybe your daighter doesn’t give a crap about what degrees he has or doesnt or what money she could get from this relationship. He just might be an awesome guy and that’s all that matters. FYI you weren’t the perfect catch but somebody loved you twice with all your flaws to.

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